So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
