Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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