she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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