I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
