He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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