u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
