I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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