the day after is always just damage control
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
