There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
