Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
