Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
love makes seman taste better
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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