she was so not down for the gang bang
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
