Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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