I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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