I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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