dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
