sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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