"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
