Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
