HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
