What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
