I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
