giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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