my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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