well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
