Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
