Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I met the friendliest cop last night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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