my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
