shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
