this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
