This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
