I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
