It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
