Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
