They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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