Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
