don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
