clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
