So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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