we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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