my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
