I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
