If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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