how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
