so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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