it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
