Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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