so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dicks are not precious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
