He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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