at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
